


Breaking the Cycle

by Xx_PseudoPsycho_xX



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, Bittersweet, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sort Of, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29213160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xx_PseudoPsycho_xX/pseuds/Xx_PseudoPsycho_xX
Summary: Loki finally comes home to Thor, but something is wrong.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 62
Collections: Thor and Loki Jol Gift Exchange 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kowaiyoukai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kowaiyoukai/gifts).



> This is for kowaiyoukai; sorry it's late, but I hope you like it!!! <3

This time it would be different.

It was the same thought that had crossed Loki’s mind the last time. And the time before that, and the time before  _ that. _

He was all too aware of this; but still, he had to hope, didn’t he? He had to hold fast to even the thinnest threads of hope. Otherwise, what was the point? He might as well give up if not for that.

Last time he hadn’t known what he knew now. The times before he had been careless; thoughtless. No,  _ this  _ time it would be different. It simply  _ had  _ to be.

He sprinted down the dim halls of the Statesman, tripping over the bodies of fallen Aesir. On previous occasions, he would have been held back by that. So many had been lost.

But there was no time to think. No time at  _ all,  _ actually. Undoubtedly Thanos would be sending his henchmen after him at any moment, and they would catch him. They would drag him back no matter how many of them he managed to take down in the process. It didn’t matter how much he ran, or even if he left the ship entirely; teleporting to the nearest planet. They would still find him, they would still catch him.

And then they would throw him before Thanos. Get the Tesseract from him one way or another; perhaps beat it out of him. Perhaps threaten to kill Thor. Perhaps both.

And then they would kill him.

It always ended the same, the course of action he took mattered not. Hope was the only reason he still tried. And even now, as he was running, he could feel it faltering.

He heard them now. Chasing after him down the halls. Loki turned as he ran, swinging a fistful of summoned daggers at them. Due to the shrieks of pain, he knew he had hit at least one of them.

As he turned round a corner, he was dismayed—though not terribly surprised—to find that he had reached a dead end. He stood very still, making no move to escape, knowing that anymore running at this point would only exhaust him.

Then they were on him. Loki faced them head-on, unafraid. He was outnumbered and overpowered, and still he fought. He took down as many as he could; slicing their necks with daggers, throwing them back with his magic. It was only when he had the misfortune of being pierced by a blade did he cower; backing up to the back wall, hands raised in yield; just trying to buy some time.

“ _ Alright!”  _ He shouted “Stop!”

It hurt; everything did, really. He wasn’t sure if he was dying yet, but when he saw the figure emerge through the halted soldiers, he certainly wished he was.

They had gone head-to-head twice, and Loki really wasn’t keen to do it again. He could deal with a lot of things, but having his mind consumed and taken over; being forced to do things he would  _ never _ do… well, Loki had to draw the line somewhere.

“Why do you run, Laufeyson, when you know the inevitable is going to happen?”

Sometimes, Loki wondered if Ebony Maw knew what was really going on here. That he was trying too hard to break the cycle. That he had been here many, many times before. With the way he spoke, it certainly seemed like he did, but Loki had never found any point in asking. Never had time, really, when his mind was viciously under attack.

Even now, he could feel the first numbness start to settle in; his will to find a way out tapering off.

“I’ve made it this far, have I not?” Loki scoffed back at him.

What seemed like a faint grin passed over Maw’s face, though Loki couldn’t be entirely sure.

“The Tesseract, Laufeyson,” He said sternly. “And perhaps we’ll let your dear brother live.”

A pang of familiar guilt struck Loki. He hated leaving Thor, but he knew that whether or not he was in the room, his brother would suffer. Unless, of course, he found a way out, and right now, it was looking like he had reached the point of no return. They had caught him, and he knew what came next.

The Tesseract. Oh, how he had come to loathe it; the very thing that had gotten him into this mess in the first place. It was the one thing that was always consistent. He had the Tesseract, and thus, he was the target.

His thoughts on the pain and the threats stopped, though he was beginning to feel lightheaded, and standing was getting rather exhausting. But he found himself not resisting the growing numbness in his mind as he pulled the Tesseract from it’s pocket dimension, getting lost in the blue glow.

He had tried using it to leave before; of course he had. And everytime he did, the worst sort of events followed. They always caught him, of course, but Thor always died in that scenario. There were a lot of things Loki could stand, but losing Thor was not one of them. Even if he managed to get away; he didn’t think he would be able to live with himself.

But he wasn’t trying to leave now; no. Even as he charged the Tesseract, releasing its power; he wasn’t trying to leave. He also was not handing it over, either.

A pain like daggers shot through his head, and Maw shouted a demand. The soldiers started to move forward, but at that moment, time itself seemed to stand still.

The Tesseract grew brighter and brighter, and still Loki held on to it. He was aware of becoming very hot. Starting at his fingertips and working its way over his entire body like a hellish plague. A whine seemed to pierce the air, though where it came from, he knew not. The Tesseract was nearly white at this point; blinding to look at.

No one had come, yet.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted them to come and end it or not. He wasn’t sure, actually,  _ what  _ it was he wanted at all.

But that wasn’t true, because deep down, he knew what he wanted. He wanted to stop running and to stop hiding. He wanted this nightmare to end. He wanted to be with Thor; to not have to worry about being hunted down anymore.

Then there was an earsplitting crash, and the next thing Loki knew was he was being flung back through the air. He hit the back of his head on something hard, and stars burst before his eyes, and then—

Nothing.

Everything was dark.


	2. Chapter 2

It was raining when Thor found him.

The sky was so dark it was almost black; hidden away under a thick layer of clouds.

He didn’t know  _ why  _ he had been out. He had already stocked away ale earlier; so that he wouldn’t have to come out again for another few days. Perhaps it was just that today the grief had been worse than usual; which was why he had wandered. Wandered as far away from his small domain that was New Asgard as he could before he found himself in an open field, getting drenched in the rain.

There had been what he thought was a rock, a few meters away. And Thor had just been thinking how odd it was for there to be a lone rock in the middle of a grassy field when he realized that it was not a rock at all; but a person. Laid out on their side. Perhaps dead, he thought as he noticed how motionless they were, appearing as equally unbothered by the rain as he was.

Thor wasn’t particularly in any hurry to see who it was after that thought; he didn’t want to see another corpse. He had seen enough of them.

However, curiosity got the best of him, and he made his way over to them. They wore tattered clothes, and Thor felt his heart sink when he saw the blood; shocking red on the green grass.

He knelt down, turning them over onto their back so that he could see their face.

Lightning flashed across the sky, and a rolling thunder followed quickly after.

Thor didn’t know how long he had been out here, or how he had gotten here, or how he was even still alive after he had seen his dead body; all he knew was that lying there before him was his little brother.

“ _ Loki,”  _ Thor gasped out, gently lifting him and pulling him onto his lap. He was limp and scarily light, and his face was marred by grime and bruises.

But he was alive; Thor felt a pulse, faint, but there, and for the first time in weeks, he felt alive, too.

“Loki,” Thor murmured again, louder this time, trying to get him up, but Loki wasn’t responding.

The rain was coming down harder as Thor stood, gently holding Loki in his arms, worrying for a brief moment that he might be hurting him worse, but knowing that he had to get him out of the cold storm.

He ran back as quickly as he could, navigating himself carefully on the slippery roads; holding Loki close, hoping that there was still time to save him; hoping that he hadn’t happened across him too late, and cursing himself that he had taken so long to realize he was there.

It seemed like an eternity had passed when he finally came in sight of the small village of New Asgard. He shouted at someone he saw on the roads, telling them to send a healer to his quarters as quickly as possible as he rushed home.

When Thor finally laid Loki down on the floor of his chambers for lack of anywhere else, it seemed that Loki somehow looked worse. Perhaps it was merely because of the light, but all color seemed to have left his already-pale skin, and his breathing was shallow. He also seemed to be burning up with a fever.

Thor was getting frantic at this point. He undid the front of Loki’s shirt, and located the source of the bleeding. A nasty wound ran underneath his ribs; deep, but clean; probably from a sword or knife.

He reached around, grabbing a shirt that had been lying on the ground and pressing it over the injury. At that, a faint gasp slipped past Loki’s lips, and, though it had sounded quite pained, it was a relief to have  _ some  _ response from him.

“Come on,” Thor murmured. “Come back. Come back to me, brother.”

Blood was started to get everywhere; soaking through the shirt and onto the floor, and getting all over his hands as well. Thor panicked, knowing he needed to stop the blood, but not know how, and wondering where the Hel that healer was—

He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand was laid on his shoulder, fingers digging into his skin. Loki’s eyes; bloodshot and wide, were staring up at him. His lips were parted as though he were about to speak, but no sound slipped past them.

“Loki?” Thor asked, moving closer, trying to conceal his panic and appear calm. “Loki, can you hear me?”

“...Thor…?”

His voice was so quiet that Thor could hardly hear. But he was  _ speaking.  _ He was  _ here. _

“Yes,” Thor fought to find his own voice. “Yes, I’m here. It’s me.”

“Is… is he  _ gone?”  _ Loki asked, his eyebrows furrowing in with worry. “Did… did I… make it…?”

“Shh...” Thor shushed him, as it seemed like speaking was only working him up and putting him in more pain. “You’re okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Loki looked at him for a moment, his eyes seeming to glaze over before fluttering shut. For a moment that made Thor agitated, but he was still breathing, at any rate. After another moment or so, the healer finally arrived, and wordlessly set to work.

* * *

Thor didn’t leave Loki’s side that night. He had hardly slept; waiting for him to wake up. The healer had said that with any luck, he would recover, but that didn’t do much to ease his worries. He was afraid that if he looked away for too long; Loki would disappear and be gone again. He was afraid that if he fell asleep, when he woke up he would realize that this had all been a dream, and that Loki was dead and gone.

As it were, morning came; the sun shining weakly through the windows, and, to his relief, Loki was still there. And more; he was awake now; his green eyes flickering over to him from where he laid on Thor’s bed.

“Loki?” Thor asked, hoping he was fully conscious.

“Thor,” Loki murmured in acknowledgment, but his brow furrowed. Then he moved, trying to get up, only to fall back onto the bed with a little cry of pain.

“Careful! You’re hurt!” Thor almost fell out of his chair as he rushed to his brother’s side. Loki, thankfully, seemed fine, though he rubbed at watery eyes; likely from the pain. “What  _ happened? _ ” He whimpered.

Thor, quite frankly, wanted to ask the same of Loki; what  _ had  _ happened, after all?

“I don’t know,” He admitted instead, once he had made sure Loki was alright, sitting down at the edge of the bed. “I found you like this.”

Loki was looking around the room with wide eyes. He looked confused. Lost, almost. His hand was pressed up against the now-wrapped wound on his forehead.

“Where are we?” Loki asked softly.

“Earth.” Thor said. “After the statesmen was destroyed, I—” He cut himself off, not wanting to overload Loki with information as he remembered that he hadn’t been around to see what had happened. “—well, it’s a long story.”

“ _ Earth? _ ” Loki repeated in shock, hoisting himself up on one elbow, wincing afterwards.

“Lie down.” Thor said.

“What am I—what happened to your  _ hair? _ ” Loki asked suddenly, turning his eyes on him this time.

Thor blinked, automatically reaching up to touch his short locks. It had grown in a little bit since he had had it cut so short, but he thought it looked fine. “It started growing in a bit,” He said, being patient with Loki. The healer  _ had  _ said Loki seemed to have hit his head pretty hard.

“What do you mean ‘grown in?’ It’s  _ short,”  _ Loki said, sounding incredibly disturbed. “And your  _ eye…  _ Norns, what  _ happened?”  _ He asked again.

Thor, in all honesty, was becoming rather confused at this point, “Again. It’s a long story,” He paused, “What happened to  _ you? _ ” He ventured to ask.

Loki opened his mouth, his tongue clicking, but then he stopped before he said anything, frowning and looking away. “I...” He trailed off. “I don’t know.”

Thor blinked. “What’s the last thing you remember? How—how did you come back?”

“Come back..? What...” Loki shook his head. “What are you  _ talking  _ about? We were here—on Earth, and father...” He paused, frowning again. Thor just watched in disbelief. “Father was gone...” Loki said, sounding rather uncertain. “He… and there was this woman, and…”

Loki scrunched up his face, rubbing hard at his eyes. “I don’t  _ remember.” _

* * *

The healer had called it  _ amnesia.  _ Likely brought on when Loki hit his head. Thor didn’t understand it. Didn’t understand why he couldn’t recall events he had lived through. There was a chance he would remember eventually, but as of right now, for whatever reason, Loki didn’t remember anything that had happened since Odin died.

Thor wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. Of course, he was beyond overjoyed that the impossible had happened; that some force had brought his little brother back.

But the time spent on the Statesman; however short it was, had mended their previously shattered relationship. Now all of that was undone. Thor knew it was selfish to think that way, so he didn’t dwell on it.

Loki, though… he was upset, Thor could tell that much. He hadn’t spoken since learning he had forgotten a portion of his memories, and had spent the rest of the day sleeping. Which was good for his injuries, at the very least.

Now, though, night had fallen long ago. Loki was laying on his side, but Thor could see he was awake.

Neither of them spoke for a long time. Loki remained still, and Thor remained where he was, as well; curled up in a nearby armchair. Thor hated the silence, hated being so far away from Loki; he wanted to embrace him, to hold him, to tell him how much he missed him and how happy he was that he was back.

But Loki wouldn’t like that, and so he waited for him to break the silence. He was close to giving up, when Loki finally stirred, shifting slightly in the sheets.

“Thor?” He asked softly.

“Hmm?” Thor perked up.

“Did I die?”

Thor froze. “Why do you ask?” He inquired, wondering if perhaps Loki’s memories were returning.

Loki was silent a moment, before answering; “I  _ did,  _ then. Didn’t I?”

He didn’t phrase it like a question. It was more like he was confirming his suspicions.

“You remember?” Thor asked.

“No.” Loki said rather mournfully. “I just… had a feeling. I don’t know.”

Thor could tell by Loki’s voice that he was getting upset, and so, after a moment’s hesitation, he got up, climbing onto the bed next to Loki.

Loki slowly turned onto his back, looking up at him curiously. Thor met his gaze, only to look away quickly. “I missed you so much, brother.” He said quietly.

“Truly?” Loki asked. “I remember you were angry with me. Right after father...” He trailed off.

Thor shook his head. “A lot happened after that.”

“Enlighten me.” Loki said, a shy little smirk stretching over his face. Thor grinned, gently running his fingers through Loki’s hair.

“I’ll tell you.” Thor said. “But not now. I don’t want to overwhelm you, and… well I’m just glad you’re back.”

Loki looked rather disappointed, but he didn’t press. “Alright,” He said simply.

“Do you need anything?” Thor asked. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” Loki said dryly. “You should probably get some sleep, though. You look tired.”

Thor chuckled. He wasn’t offended that Loki didn’t seem to share his sentimentality; of course he wouldn’t; to Loki, it seemed, nothing had happened. He knew nothing of them getting hunted down by Thanos, nothing of Asgard being destroyed, nothing of the two of them being together, at last, when there was enough time to work through their feelings and no one to judge.

And that was okay. Thor could live with that. It hurt, but not having Loki around at all had hurt far, far worse.

“You’re right. I am tired,” Thor admitted after a long pause. He started to lay down beside Loki, when Loki looked at him with the most confused expression on his face.

“You seem oddly comfortable. Am I not remembering that we shared a bed, or have you no other place to sleep?” Loki asked.

Thor couldn’t help but grin, “Both,” He admitted.

Loki raised an eyebrow, looking rather surprised. “Surely you jest.” He murmured.

Thor frowned, “If you’d rather me to find somewhere else to sleep, I will,” He said seriously.

“No… this is rather…  _ interesting,”  _ Loki hummed. “I wish you would tell me what I missed out on.”

“I will.” Thor assured him. “Tomorrow, I promise.”

He felt himself starting to get rather tired, “Wake me if you need something, alright?”

“I will,” Loki said, looking ready to go back to sleep himself. Thor leaned up, pressing a gentle kiss to Loki’s forehead; knowing the gesture would be lost to him but not being able to help it. “I love you, brother. Get some rest; you need it.”

He was amused at how very confused Loki looked. “Norns. What the Hel happened between us?”

Thor just laughed softly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, brother.” Loki said, not pressing him for more answers, and instead shutting his eyes and leaning against him. Thor wrapped an arm around him, feeling content now that Loki was back; safe and sound with him, and he slowly felt his own eyes go heavy and shut as he fell into a deep sleep.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
